3 minute read
this newspaper clipping
A FEW DAYS AGO, I mentioned I was tackling the huge project of scanning (digitizing) all my photos (and other mementos), and backing them up box by box. Well…
Continue reading “life lessons my mother sent me”Category Archives: rewriting life…
Rewriting life after loss. What I’ve learned about grieving, readjusting, and how the rewriting (creative) process has enabled me to live with this unimaginable loss.
saving the past: scanning photos and memories
5 minute read
For months now, I haven’t felt like blogging. I write every day. Privately. Nothing I feel like sharing or showing to anyone.
Continue reading “saving the past: scanning photos and memories”Another birthday
2 minute read
Morning. I am here, sitting outside meditating, eyes closed, feeling the sun on my face, rising. Imagining, for a few minutes, that it’s him shining on me, in me.
It’s your birthday today, sweet son of mine.
Continue reading “Another birthday”what to do with those sad gone thoughts: write
2 minute read
longing for those who are gone
JANUARY 28, twelve years ago today, was the day Rebecca decided would be her last. And I’m missing her, my longtime and loving friend.
A few years back, I wrote this. This morning, while thinking about what day it is, I read it again, grateful to have written about and to her.
Continue reading “what to do with those sad gone thoughts: write”remembering my dad
3 minute read
(👆In the photo: my father and me heading into my grandmother’s house in Miami, circa 1967.)
in the safe gray zone
He died seventeen years ago today. And, as Forrest Gump said, “That’s all I have to say about that.”
I don’t feel sad or wistful. I’m like a wheat field, waves of beige sameness. Neutral, undisturbed, bending with the wind.
Continue reading “remembering my dad”from drafts to done: building a habit of finishing your writing
4 minute read
What we practice becomes permanent.
– Gabriela Pereira, author, speaker, and founder of DIYMFA.com
Ouch. That line pinched me in the arm the other day when I was listening to DIYMFA podcast, episode 470, Draft Zero.
Continue reading “from drafts to done: building a habit of finishing your writing”side effects of rewriting
reading time 2 minutes
In grief, sometimes you’ll feel stuck.
What if, instead of seeing the idea of being stuck as a negative, we think of it as being anchored for a period of time. Which sounds okay, doesn’t it? Anchoring yourself in the silence, in meditation, in the remembering? In grief, the rewiring process that goes on deep inside you sometimes requires a serious shutdown—a rebooting of sorts.
Continue reading “side effects of rewriting”Landslide
reading time 3 minutes
Fall. The air is changing. It’s still muggy but less hot now.
Though it’s hidden behind the clouds, the moon is full today.
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
I’ve done my best, tried until I couldn’t see straight anymore, or find any other errors to fix. It’s 9/29/23, 18 days until . . . my book, my beloved son, both fully grown now, will soon fly away, and be free of me and my perfectionist ways. To live their lives on their own. Though not alone, never alone.
Continue reading “Landslide”I remember my father telling me how much he missed his father
my dad
September 1, 2023. Today would be my dad’s 88th birthday. He died at what today we think of as fairly young: 72.
A few months ago, 60 days to be exact (I’m journaling now, so I see that it was July 3), my father surprised me in a dream. I was lost (in this dream), wondering where I was—who I was anymore. Feeling alone, always alone. When I turned around, my father was there. And we hugged, and I wasn’t alone. I was so excited to see him I woke up.
Continue reading “I remember my father telling me how much he missed his father”A way to begin
self-understanding
It’s been too long since I sat down to write you. For some reason, I’ve been avoiding writing and posting. I’ve asked myself why I can’t seem to sit down and write and share my thoughts? I’ve mentioned this to friends: that I don’t know why I can’t just write and post something. I’ve logged on to my website, but I just stare at the screen, then close the tab, and walk away.
In the spirit of self-understanding, I’ve asked myself to answer this. Why am I so challenged to open a new Draft, write, and click that Publish button?
Continue reading “A way to begin”my friend R
Depression afflicts millions directly, and millions more who are relatives or friends of victims. It has been estimated that as many as one in ten Americans will suffer from the illness…which, in its graver, clinical manifestation takes upward of twenty percent of its victims by way of suicide.
– William Styron (1990), Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness
Rebecca
In memory of my longtime and loving friend, Rebecca Pratt (December 24, 1964 – January 28, 2013).
R was one of the wittiest, most intelligent, caring, and beautiful people I have had the privilege of knowing. She was my friend for almost three decades. She was my confidant and sometimes my therapist. She was an incredibly thoughtful card sender. She loved searching for and sending the perfect card in which she’d write, or quote, the perfect words. And her timing was perfect. If I mentioned to her that I had finished a writing piece and felt good about it, lo and behold, a one-of-a-kind congratulatory card would show up in my mailbox 48 hours later.
Continue reading “my friend R”save yourself
words that delivered
In her memoir, Lucky, Alice Sebold said, “No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remain unsaved.”
It is true.
You have to save yourself (no one can pull you back from this place). You have to trust yourself. You have to be the expert on you and your grief.
In my case, after the sudden death of my son, Sam, I withdrew, cocooned from the world, and ignored those who told me to do otherwise. I was the expert on my grief. This was my way.
Continue reading “save yourself”returning
Dear Willower,
I’ve let too much time pass since writing to you. Every day, I think about writing you. I think about posting and then get busy, or distracted, or just lack the energy. I tell myself it doesn’t matter, anyway. What good is yet another blog post in this overcrowded Twitter world of ours. But then, I come back to this: We’re all searching for that word, that phrase, that nugget of something to confirm that, yes, we are connected. Woven together somehow into this cloth of colorful human beings. And when we connect — to someone who has been where we have been — we’re able to see and find our way, and keep going. Even if our keep going process means more searching. Isn’t that what we’re here for? To search, learn, share, and connect?
Continue reading “returning”willower®
A few years ago, I saw that someone had added “willower” to UrbanDictionary.com. Okay, it’s a crowdsourced online dictionary of slang words and phrases, but I especially like UD’s tagline: “Define Your World.”
Continue reading “willower®”disconnect
Does loss and grief sometimes disconnect us from others, from the world? Yes.
But, maybe, the disconnect is when we are most connected to our physical emotions and the invisible world.
Continue reading “disconnect”hope
“Hope” is the thing with feathers
BY EMILY DICKINSON
“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.
the missing letter
I have no more words. Let the soul speak With the silent articulation of a face.
– Rumi
He is the missing letter from every one of my words.
And, he is the lost words I seek.
Though words never can truly describe his essence, the sound of his voice, his wit, his loves, his promise, his unrealized potential…
Continue reading “the missing letter”joy
Months after Sam’s death, and shortly before he was gone too, my father, always trying to cheer me on, reassured me that I’d find joy again. I disagreed. I didn’t want joy—I couldn’t even fathom it. I was consumed with grief, and wanted to be dead too. He worried about this, I’m sure, which added to his grief.
What I’ve learned about joy over the years:
It’s one of the hardest things you have to do—find joy again, after loss.
Continue reading “joy”unfriended
“In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.”
~ John Churton Collins
If you are an underclassman (in your first few years) majoring, involuntarily, in Life after the Death of your Child, you may find yourself bewildered at the flight of your friends, at the loss of your former support system, and at the dead air you’ve heard crackling since the death of your child. The phone has stopped ringing. The emails have ended. The holiday cards are conspicuously absent. The voice messages you left (“Hey, friend’s name here, just checkin in. Hope all’s well. Talk to ya soon. Love ya.”) have yet to be returned. The summer visits are no longer anticipated. The secrets you’ve shared have gone underground. And, at this point you’ve run out of excuses for their absence. You’re angry. Hurt, abandoned—left for dead. And, if it’s even possible, you’re sadness has deepened.
Okay, so this was my experience.
Continue reading “unfriended”what I learned from a soldier
What I learned from a soldier…
About strength
It’s okay to cry…
Willower.org 