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Unfriended

“In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.” ~ John Churton Collins If you are an underclassman (in your first few years) majoring, involuntarily, in Life after the Death of your Child, you may find yourself bewildered at the flight of your friends, at the loss of […]

Reggie, my heart therapy

He sees me June 27, 2014. He loves a freshly cut lawn. He does a down-dog-stretch before squeezing through the rectangular flap of a door. Outside. Sniffing a path, he finds a patch of sun and flops onto his side. Lying still for a minute, he soaks up the warmth […]

Quote: Issa, Japanese poet and willower

Quote: Issa

Does Issa speak of longing? His tears? Or continuing, despite the tears? I first read these lines a handful of years ago. When I was too attached. Unwilling to go on without— My beautiful boy. I was unable to save him. The smartest doctors in the world were unable to save him. And then, I couldn’t bring him back. […]

Think of the “Like” button as a “Support” button

"Like" Button

Happy stories, sad stories Happy or funny stories compel people to “Like” and “Share” them. Inspirational, uplifting and amusing stories sometimes go viral. That’s the incredible thing about the internet. It can inform, inspire, entertain, and connect us. But, it is counterintuitive to “Like” mournful stories much less “Share” them. Isolating further […]

The shadows beside me

Boys at sunset, Naples '04

  While we (bereaved parents) are readjusting to our perception of what grief is, and who we are as we grieve, and how our relationship with our deceased child will be, grief changes and evolves, subsides and resurfaces. 

Day 7, “Awake—”

Poem #7: “AWAKE—” AWAKE— Too much, too quiet, too deafening, Too empty, too perpetual, too lost, Too miserable.  AWAKE— I touch his clothes, his shirts, Each one a personality, Each one a story that covered his heart; Their arms sag, lifeless, They don’t reach up over his head, Or fill […]

Save yourself

LifeSaver

Words that delivered In her memoir, Lucky, Alice Sebold said, “No one can pull anyone back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remain unsaved.” It is true. You have to save yourself (no one can pull you back from this place). You have to trust yourself. You have to be the expert […]

Willower, defined

We use the words widow, widower, and orphan, but there is no word in our vocabulary that identifies the bereaved parent. So I’ve coined the term willower. will·ow·er (wĭlʹō-ər) noun a. A bereaved parent.  b. A person whose child, or children, has died. c. A person that willows, or grieves the death of their child, or children: Each willower processes grief in […]

Cure for grief

“Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Earl Grollman