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This morning

Sam would be twenty-two today. Every morning, I wake up to ‘reality’ and shake my head. But there’s something heavier about milestones, anniversaries, and birthdays — the rudest awakenings — that make it harder to face the day. So when I open my eyes and notice the time, 5:51 a.m., […]


Dear Willower, I’ve let too much time pass since writing to you. Every day, I think about writing you. I think about posting and then get busy, or distracted, or just lack the energy. I tell myself it doesn’t matter anyway. What good is yet another blog post in this […]

My Tree of Life

Sam and me

It was a ten-inch tall mini-tree in a small plastic pot that sat on the coffee table in the living room. Sprinkled with silver glitter and embellished with tiny silver ornaments. An impulse purchase at Target one December years ago. An attempt at decorating for the holidays, at living.

To the nines

“Form is exactly emptiness, emptiness exactly form.” Buddhist “Heart of Perfect Wisdom Sutra” Sam, It is the year of the Monkey, the ninth of twelve animals in the Chinese zodiac cycle. And, the ninth year of living without you—and your monkey-hugs.


Months after Sam’s death, and shortly before he was gone too, my father, always trying to cheer me on, reassured me that I’d find joy again. I disagreed. I didn’t want joy, happiness. I was consumed with grief, and wanted to die too. He worried about this, I’m sure, which […]


“In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.” ~ John Churton Collins If you are an underclassman (in your first few years) majoring, involuntarily, in Life after the Death of your Child, you may find yourself bewildered at the flight of your friends, at the loss of […]

What I learned from a soldier

What I learned from a soldier… About strength It’s okay to cry… About caring Take your vitamins… Stay away from dark alleys… Watch your back… I love you… About illness I’m so sorry you’re sick… I’m very concerned… Have you been eating right? Taking your vitamins?