Book

Willower, a National Indie Excellence Awards Finalist, and winner of the Literary Titan Gold Book Award is a book about using the power of story and imagination to survive the unimaginable: the sudden death of a child.

Download the info sheet

See Q & A with Literary Titan here: author interview

Available on Amazon or anywhere you buy your books: B&N, BAM!, Bookshop.org. You can even ask your local bookstore or library to order it.

Read a sample here.

Listen to a sample here.

Read what others said about it here.

If you’ve read Willower, please help others to find it by writing a review here.

In a nutshell: it’s a love story

Willower is a story about life and death and grief and time and the saving quality of imagination. Spanning several years, it’ll show you what this lifelong migration through grief looks like.

Though this is a story of the worst loss, there is also joy and beauty and magic within it that I think will uplift you and leave you feeling hopeful, inspired, and perhaps changed for the better.

To learn more about the book, its chapters, and to see photos, and read excerpts, click the links below in the Table of Contents.👇

Table of Contents

about survival (entire chapter to read or listen to)
1. Sam’s Heart
2. Living Normally
3. Courage
4. Monday
5. Still Here
6. Searching
7. Rewriting
8. Grieving
9. Migrating
10. Seeing
11. A Different Ending

Jump to bottom of this page to read what others have said about Willower.

Willower: rewriting life after unimaginable loss

This soul-baring memoir, a meditation on suffering, living with loss, and letting go, proves that after the death of a child, without the power of words, story, and imagination (okay, and maybe a little magic), the lifelong migration through grief and back to the living again, would be impossible.

Willower: rewriting life after unimaginable loss is a powerful and deeply moving story of what happened before and after my son’s death, and what I did to survive the days, months, and years that followed it. Willower is the result of my years of experience grieving, readjusting, and relearning how to live again without my son—yet with him.

How does one go on after an unspeakable loss?

My nine-year-old son, Sam, was running on the playground at school when it happened: sudden cardiac arrest.

I spoke at his funeral, but I needed more time. I needed to talk about him, about what happened. (Most bereaved parents do, that is, want to talk about their deceased child, and about the trauma they’ve experienced.)

Surviving one of the most profound and permanently disorienting experiences requires a degree of lunacy. How can it not?

When people say, “I can’t imagine,” about the death of a child, living with such loss, I want to say, “I can only imagine. It’s how I live with the unimaginable.”

(from Willower, in the opening pages about survival)

On a quest to connect with my beautiful boy, and keep him, his memory, alive, I began reimagining and rewriting my story, one with a different ending, and now . . .

I released my story

After working with a handful of editors over the years, learning how to write, practicing, starting over and over again, year after year, and then releasing my book, sending it out into the world, I have finally reached an end and what will hopefully be a beginning.

To Bereaved Parents (Willowers):

Readjusting to living without our deceased children—though we are never detached from them—is an ongoing, unpredictable, and lifelong relearning process. (I wish someone had told me about the ongoing, unpredictable, and lifelong part early on so I wouldn’t have kept expecting to feel better, or different, or “healed.”)

In my book, I’ll share with you what I tried over the years, what worked, and what I know now about searching for meaning and migrating through the days with this deep sadness.

There is no final goodbye, no recovery or end, only rewriting our stories, the ones we tell ourselves so that we can keep going. 

While reading my book, you’ll grieve, cry, and sometimes laugh, but most of all, I know you’ll find hope, magic, inspiration, and lifesaving words to help you in your migration through grief. My story spans several years, and will take you from I won’t make it to I’m still here to This is how I’m going to rewrite my life.

Finally, for us grieving mothers and fathers (or friends, family members, and those who support and/or counsel us), my book offers something unique and new: a word, where none existed before in our vocabulary, for the bereaved parent: willower.

Why I wrote this book

Early on, when I felt like giving up, I began writing, hoping, somehow, to connect with my son in that world. 

Later, after meeting and sharing stories with bereaved parents, I realized it was also important to connect with others in this world. 

I wrote this book to connect with you, my reader, and to keep my beautiful boy Sam alive.

Going forward, I also wanted my son Joey to have this story, so he’d have a better understanding of who we were and what happened; and to know how much we all laughed and loved each other.

Book Review

Willower: Rewriting Life After Unimaginable Loss is a heartfelt memoir that dives into the complexities of loss, grief, and resilience. The book chronicles the author’s emotional journey following the tragic death of her son, Sam, and explores the psychological and emotional toll this unimaginable loss takes on her and her family. It is a raw and emotional recounting of how she navigates through the darkest moments. From grappling with the realities of death to attempting to rewrite her life after such a profound loss. The narrative shifts between memories of Sam’s vibrant personality and Kassenoff’s poignant reflections on grief and survival, offering a deeply personal look at the process of healing.

Deanna Kassenoff’s writing is gripping and intense. She effortlessly transports the reader into her world of sleepless nights and unbearable sorrow, which makes reading it an emotional experience. What stood out most to me was the way Kassenoff interweaves elements of her daily life with reflections on survival. Her comparison of her own struggle with that of Ayla from the “Earth’s Children” series was both powerful and relatable. I appreciated how she used literature as a means of understanding her grief. It’s raw and there’s no sugarcoating the immense difficulty she faces in trying to make sense of her new reality. The chapter where she recounts Sam’s heart issues, the doctor’s warnings, and the overwhelming dread left me in a state of emotional exhaustion. She manages to make the reader feel what she’s feeling without overdramatizing it.

Another element I appreciated was the humanity Kassenoff brings to her story. Despite the weight of the subject, she manages to sprinkle in moments of warmth and humor, particularly in her memories of Sam. I found myself smiling through the tears at some of Sam’s childhood antics and her recollections of his deep imagination. Her decision to preserve these moments, along with her son’s struggles and eventual passing, adds layers of complexity to the book.

Willower is an emotional read that will resonate deeply with anyone who has experienced grief or who has felt overwhelmed by life’s darkest moments. Kassenoff writes with sincerity and, while the subject matter is heavy, there’s a resilience that shines through her words. This book is for anyone who’s ever had to rewrite their story after a loss, or for those who seek to understand the raw and often unspoken emotions of grief.

— Literary Titan

Comments

This is such a moving book on so many levels. Please keep reading why this book is my number one for the year! It is so well crafted with Sam’s story unfolding like wings. Her words are pure poetry! I couldn’t put it down and read it in a day. I was moved beyond tears, sadness, joy and a feeling like I am truly connected to Deanna and this journey no mother wants to take. By the end, I felt Sam’s presence within her words. It is simply a heartbreakingly beautiful story that took so much courage and heart to write! Please read this book!

— Amy H

How do you find the will to move forward in your life after the loss of a child? Having lost a child myself, I could only read this book in spurts. So many commonalities in her grief-journey made me at times laugh and others cry. The story of the toothbrush had me in tears for days. I felt her pain in dealing with people who had no idea of her loss. Just the simple question, “How many children do you have?” is enough to send you over the edge. But she shows us a way through this grief in the realization that we must live not only for our self now but for those loved ones who have gone before us. It is what they ask of us. That connection of heart and soul sustains us as do stories and memories. Thank you Deanna for your raw, honest insights.

— Barbara W

This book is truly extraordinary! It is a beautiful tribute to Sam’s life (the author’s eldest son), a mother’s deep and abiding love, and her journey to remain connected and continue on after unimaginable loss. Deanna Kassenoff is truly a gifted writer. Her words draw the reader into each experience and beautiful connection with her son before and after unimaginable loss. The connections are both powerful and inspirational! I believe this book will deeply touch anyone who reads it. It will especially help those families who have been forced to be on a similar journey and those who are experiencing it as relatives, friends, neighbors, and acquaintances of families who have experienced the devastating loss of a child.

— JLC

I have to honestly say it is the BEST, most helpful, most enlightening book on the grieving to surviving, to living, to thriving, to healing process I have ever read. More than a “read” it was an experience. Creating an imprint embossed permanently onto my heart . . . . . . it was more than a “read” it was an experience.

— Diane Laflamme Romagnoli, Voice of Grief

I was struck by how the author brought us into her mind and expressed her thoughts in a way that made me feel as if I were right by her side while she was sharing them with me. This memoir is truly a masterpiece—beautifully written—and will be helpful not only to those who have experienced loss but also to others who will better understand a bereaved parent’s grief. I highly recommend it.

— Merle Saferstein, author

In her book, Deanna shares her devastating journey of grief with great skill as she beautifully expresses her most horrendous experiences. This book is for anyone who is drowning in grief, or who wants to better understand the experience of a bereft mother whose arms ache to hold their child.

— Carla Killough McClafferty, author

The most unimaginable loss was written by a mother whose son died too young and who shared the same old soul, sensitive heart as his mother. Her incredible attunement in remembering such excruciating detail, the story of her son’s life and her journey in his life and death, is a tribute to her presence and awareness of their connection. It was difficult to put the book down but because of the rawness at times, it was difficult to continue to read. This mother has done a great service to those who have lost a child in sharing her path through the most difficult life experience.

— Gretchen

Deanna’s beautifully written book is a must for anyone who has ever lost a child. While the loss of anyone dear is painful, the loss of one’s child subverts the natural order of life, and Deanna deals with all of the raw, excruciating emotions she feels. You will cry, and at times laugh, but in the end, you will feel a catharsis and a sense of peace.

— Marci M

I finished the book smiling! It was masterful how the author, Deanna Kassenoff, rewrote the ending coming full circle. I thoroughly enjoyed Willower. As hard as it was to read some passages, I found myself unable to put the book down and wanting to know more … Although I cannot relate to the loss of a child, there were lessons that I learned, particularly about facing your fears, managing expectations, patience and the importance of friendship for “willowers.” Willower was articulate, well written and creative in its prose. It is a must read.

— PAC

Can the journey through an unimaginable loss to healing be described as beautifully painful and as uplifting? The answer is yes! Willower takes the reader through a challenging journey that does not shy away from the pain of the unimaginable loss and ultimately brings one to a place of connection that is healing and everlasting. A journey well worth taking!

— LS

This book is a must read for those trying to navigate how to cope with loss and/or who know someone who is grieving and wants to better understand what they may be experiencing. It truly is a love story and the author so clearly poured her heart and soul into keeping her sons story and spirit alive. Her vulnerability is unbelievably admirable. She paints a new image of what bravery looks like and demonstrates the valuable life lesson that being brave doesn’t have to mean conquering difficulties with no fear or pain. Bravery is feeling like you can’t move forward but doing it anyway. Please take the time to read this beautiful story!

— KMB

When I read Willower, it was like sitting down for a heartfelt chat with a close friend. This book is more than a memoir; it’s like a comforting hand on your shoulder, especially if you’ve ever experienced profound loss. 

— HB

Coping with the loss of a child is unimaginable and Deanna takes us on her journey of grief and loss that is so visceral but ultimately leaves the reader with the realization that our loved ones are always with us, you just need to keep your eyes and heart open for the signs they send us.

— Kathy G

I finished your book today but will reread certain chapters as it was a very powerful and poignant story. Sam’s story is both tragic and beautiful. Your flow of emotions in writing this gave me an incredible sense of the passion, grief and love you have for Sam. I’m sure it will impact the lives of everyone that reads it.

— RS

Even though there were difficult passages, I was compelled to keep going, to keep turning the page, to see what was next. Her writing is truly creative and masterful. This book is a lot more than a memoir; it is loss that is unimaginable, but Deanna helps you see through her eyes that our loved ones are always with us, around us and within us. The full circle provided comfort and had me smiling. A must read.

— Arly

I read every page, re-read many pages, and embraced the love and emotion behind every word … I fell in love with Sam’s “wonder” of the world; his imagination, his awe. I experienced so many emotions while reading your book, Deanna. I cried, I laughed, I cried some more. There were times I caught myself smiling. This book is truly a treasure trove of who Sam was…and your writing/storytelling is so beautiful … I believe others will love this book too; not just because it is a good book, but because there is such a message of strength and resilience through tremendous fear, loss and grief. Just beautiful. 💕

— showfreak

I read this book in my Book club. Seemed sad to read a story about the loss of a child but it was far more than just a journey of grief. It was that of course but it was a celebration of the special connection between a mom and her very incredible son. What a ride! Insightful, touching, and inspiring—to know for those who’ve lost a child, there is help by learning how another parent copes and shares her grief and growth with us.

— Carol S

The author’s words are both heartbreaking and hopeful. This book is a must read for anyone who has experienced this level of loss but also for those who want to support others through their grief.

— Gail L

Deanna Kassenoff has written a remarkable book about her journey with her young family, focusing on her eldest son’s life … Ms. Kassenoff has written their story with grace and compassion. I was touched by this story, and I highly recommend this book.

— KAC

I absolutely loved this book. I have not lost a child but I grieved the death of a “normal developing child”. I would not change anything in the world for what I have. BUT, I can’t imagine the loss of such of a beautiful, old soul, handsome young man. Your writing is AMAZING!!!!!

— Sissy B

A very powerful and poignant story. Sam’s story is both tragic and beautiful. I’m sure it will impact the lives of everyone that reads it.

— RS

I finished this beautifully written book in two days. What a testament to Sammy. What a testament to his mother’s love and tenacity to find meaning amid the heartbreak.

— DS

Deanna’s heartfelt way of writing drew me in. I felt her tender words about her deep-rooted love for her beautiful son Sam before and after the unimaginable day he died. As she rewrote her story, light seemed to pierce through the darkness, illuminating “aha” moments. She kept going, writing, connecting with Sam, keeping his memory alive. I will always remember this sad story, which is filled with everlasting love.

— Marilyn B