Chapter 10. Seeing

2 minute read

about this chapter

Chapter 10. Seeing is set in May 2018, eleven years after Sam’s death.

In this chapter, I realize I’m coming to the end of our story, yet I question why it is I can never seem to finish it. I continue to search for meaning, an answer, a reason, a mathematical solution, anything that might be something, some connection to Sam. But . . .

I keep getting lost, ending up back at the beginning again, starting over, never finishing.

(from Chapter 10. Seeing: crazy math)

the rabbit

Then, while sitting outside reading a book, The Oracle of Kabbalah by Richard Seidman, I notice the little brown rabbit that, for months, had been popping out of the woods, sitting at the edge of the yard, watching me. And then, as I read, I discover a meaningful typo.

“Sam taught me that every day is a good day,” I said. “He embodied this.”
And then I noticed it, the typo: a ‘t’ had been added to the word Rabbi, which made it “Rabbit Nachman” instead. Like a magic trick, the rabbit had disappeared from the edge of the yard and reappeared on the page I was reading.

(from Chapter 10. Seeing: the rabbit)

after eleven years, I was finally ready

Eleven years—4,057 days!—have passed. No more counting, searching, reading . . . It was time to talk to him. To see him, his face. It has taken me a long time to get here, but I’m ready now.

Clutching my book bag, which felt like a child over my hip, its thin arms clinging to my shoulder, I followed the moth down the dark passageway.

(from Chapter 10. Seeing: time)

---

cover design notes

Luna moths appear at different times in the story. A few years ago, when I was brainstorming ideas for the book’s cover design, I thought the luna moth might end up on the front. But several design edits later, I decided instead to use only the moth’s wing color, the sheer, pale green, for the background of the design.

---