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about this chapter
In Chapter 3. Courage we continue living, while trying to conquer our fear, in those years leading up to Sam’s ninth birthday. The theme and the title of this chapter came the fortune cookie Sam opened after eating dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant:
Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the conquest of it.
magic
Spring 2004. Sam wears a top hat and a black cape with silver stars for his sixth birthday. A magician comes to the house and puts on a show. For months, Sam raves about his magic party. “That was the best birthday ever!”
throwing punches
Spring 2006. We celebrate Sam’s eighth birthday at Dave & Buster’s. He loves playing video games. He can ride a skateboard or a dirt bike or run or bowl or row a kayak or throw punches in a boxing match without tiring or overexerting himself.
(from Chapter 3. Courage: another murmur)I’d read that patients with malignant cardiac tumors didn’t live longer than two years. If he lived to be eight, then he might live. And there we were. It was March 2006. Sam had made it to eight: the age I’d been hoping and praying for, the number we’d needed him to get past. While he continued having monthly cardiology checkups, now we felt confident the mass was not malignant.
I’ve never liked playing video games, but this day, I put on boxing gloves and begin pummeling my opponent (the degenerate lunkhead assigned by the arcade game’s computer). The boys are shocked, their mouths are hanging open.
(from Chapter 3. Courage: another murmur)It felt good to get out some of my frustration, to swing at someone, to hit something.
That’s for holding us hostage!
To release some pent-up anger.
That’s for making us so afraid!
To jab and punch.
That’s for torturing us every minute of every day!
I tried to kill that mass, beat it to death with my own fists. The match was over by the third round.
celebrating another birthday
March 2007. We celebrate Sam’s ninth birthday at Adventure Landing, a theme park in town. He’d made it to nine!
(from Chapter 3. Courage: a pill)He and his friends played mini-golf, video games, and then laser tag. I hated the laser tag part. The room was dark; lights were flashing, and kids were running, shouting, screaming. Joey ran by, but I didn’t see Sam.
“David, it’s chaos in here! It’s too dark. Do you see Sam?”
“I’ll find him,” David said, disappearing in the confusion.
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